I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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