I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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