I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
