"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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