Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize