connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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