I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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