this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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