maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
