A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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