I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize