you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
