On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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