roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
