just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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