ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
