I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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