I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
