everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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