I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
