I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
