i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
