I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
