I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
