it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
