Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
