My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He did a backflip because drugs
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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