I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
