i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
