I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
