upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
