sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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