New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just gift wrapped bread.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
