like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
this boner is exhausting
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
