ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
