I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
