Swine flu. Run for my life!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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