Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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