Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
