I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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