can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
