Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish you could order shots online.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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