I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
