I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
