Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
