So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
