put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
