my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
