I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I will be naked everywhere
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
