I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
