K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
