Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
