did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
