All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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