I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
worst night to have a conscience
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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