If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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