Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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