how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
why is half of my head shaved?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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