and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
