I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize