Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
