they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
