She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm really busy with my period
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