I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
