dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
