Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
