It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
