I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
