You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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