I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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