dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
