We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize