just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
