I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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